My Mind

10:04pm: things are looking up
well so me and allen are doing so much better.
we havent faught in 3 days!
i mean like we were fighting so much for the past couple of months, like we couldnt be around each other without fighting.
but for the past few days we've been doing really good.
i hope it stays.
ohh i havent seen him all day and weve only texted and talked a little today, but i think that it is good for us to not see each other every day.
makes us miss each other more!
i miss him!
just yesterday we were cuddling and kissing and wrestling and playing around at his house.
i think when we move in together next year things will be so much better because well be away from both of our families, witch is very good.
i was starting to think that on the days we have great sex that we dont fight, but i havent seen him today and were still doing great!
ohh hes such a sweatheart!
i was painting today and i was feeling sick and he came over to give me something to make me feel better and told me to rest and lay down and made me feel better. then i painted again and got sick haha.
he was at work though so he couldnt take care of me:[
i want him to take care of me forever cause hes so good at it!
i love my baby:]]]]

1:07pm: lately
so pretty much i havent been on here in forever, or maybe just a few months.
works been busy and so have i!
so heres whats happened since ive been on:
i got a third job at belles, then got fired in 2 weeks cause i only wanted to work a few days.
i got my belly button pierced and allen got his 'frenum' piercing, his penis.
last day of school finally came!
i got to exempt all my exams, except the ap stats of course
i got a new fish, alf. my sucker fish
and my snail gary died:[


allen finally just broke me.
we got into a fight and i yelled at him and told him that this was his last chance.
i know ive said that many times before, but this time im serious.
if he doesnt actually try to improve im gone.
im sick of him thinking he can say and do anything without having any consequenses.
he thinks he can say mean things to me and hurt my feelings and then tell me he was kidding or just give me a hug and say 'im sorry' and that makes everything better.
or putting me second to things or just starting stupid arguements and trying to make me feel bad.
its getting really old really fast.


oh yeah, also, i got into an accident and allens looking for a car, finally.
i have to pay the deductable and the difference in the insurance now.

6:42pm: wellll
its been a while since iver been on here.
not much has gone on.
i got a new fish tank and new little fish!!!
jawz is happy now cause he can 'graze' the bottom like hes supposed to.

me and allen have been getting into stupid fights lately also, but we makeup fast.
he told me he was getting bored and that he knew i was too, he was right.
but we just need to liven things up.
so we did:]]]
hahaha

i feel sick though, my throat hurts blehh.
i wish i had more close friends.
and i wanna go to the mall.

11:38pm: happy times
i had alot of fun yesterday and today with my baby boy:]]]

yesterday i went over to his house and he surprised me with his agressiveness and kissing and what not:]]
then we went out to lunch/dinner at the olive garden and had a cute time.
then we went to the show, but it wasnt that great.
then! we went back to his house for a really sweet talking, making up and kissing hour.
it made me feel really good to be in his arms. we kissed for a long time and it was amazing, the sweet kind and the hot kind. its amazing kissing my man. i had those butterflies in my stomach that i havent gotten since we started dating. i love that feeling of excitment and new-ness.
we agreed to start over and make things new again, and start our life together.
we agreed to make things easier on eachother and not blame eachother for stupid things, and not get into petty little fights and to have more tolerance with eachother.
today we cooked together for me him and my mom. we cooked and cleaned and it was alot of fun and we even had a little 'lovin by the oven' hahahaha
were so cute together, even though im still working on giving him more tolerance and patience and not getting frusterated at stupid little things, things are going really good.
im more in love now with my baby than ever and i love it!
those butterflies still come to me when were together and being cute and kissing alot.
i love kissing him, hes so good and we connect so much, its like we can feel the passion.
its fire.
just like our love; exciting, amazing, fun, and full of surprises.
we worked out today also.
he pushes me to do best.
allen always encourages me to do my best and i really am grateful for that.
hes the best thing i could ever have:]]
my sweetie, my baby boy, my love and my soulmate<3

11:52pm: overworked
i hate brecks.
but i like the people i meet there and the people i work there.
but i want to make more money and work at the woodlands full time.
but i still want to work at brecks.

it seems like i always want to do more and i have trouble letting things go.
im always busy and im always exhausted.
but somehow i like being exhausted because it means that im doing something productive, im not bored, and im making money.
oh well.

7:46pm: bullshit
this is fucking retarded.
im just so ready to get out of here.
i cant do anything i want because of bullshit reasons.
i.e.;
my mom said i could go to the marigold concert like 3 weeks ago.
but now my mom said i couldnt go like 2 hours before i was leaving because she didnt want me going downtown by myself, i reassured her i wont be by myself with a few other people but no, not good enough.
allen was at work and she knew this and she said that i couldnt go unless i had allen with me to 'protect me' from downtown horrors. well, turs out he was getting off around 9 and the show starts at 9 so it was settled i can go, right?
no. unfortunatly my mom decided that she changed her mind and said i cant go.
i was about to go get my dinner and my mom freaked out and threatened to ground me for a month if i left to go get my food.

what the fuck??!?

bipolar bitch.
fuck this.
im out of here in 4 months anyways.
im not putting up with this bullshit much longer.
ill be 18 in 2 months and ill do what i want when i want and i wont be taking this bullshit anymore.

11:35am: better days
so yesterday went alot better.
me and allen spent all day together and he wore the outfit i bought him from express
that shirt looks so good on him!
mmmmm
but anyways, we saw pursuit of happiness, that movie is so sad!
and we went out to lunch and we were going to go to dorchester park but it started raining so we went bakc home and just chilled and played CSI the computer game(which he bought me and i LOVE) until it was time for hollys bday party, then went to the movie.
allen says he likes my family but hes still nervous around them.
i dont know why but oh well. they like him alot.
so do i:]

and i cant decide if i wanna actually get up and shower and do my hair and make up...
then go out to lunch get my nails done and tan.
ohhh well
i guess ill stop being lazy now.

ps. hair appointment tomorrow at 1.
this should be interesting.

11:35pm: screw new years
this really sucks.
i have nothing to do but sit at home on new years because;;;
1. i tried to make plans too late
2. allen has to work
3. i have no idea whats going on

im so hungry but my mom didnt wanna go shopping for the past month so theres really nothing to eat.
im pissed cause allen couldnt make up his mind when he was gonna get off work for the past few days.
im also pissed because the movie i just watched pretty much sucked and was 3 hours long.

so to sum it up, this new years eve thing can kiss my ass.

9:15pm: New
ok so i got live journal.
i have been reading other peoples lj and i saw that they just post what their day was like or the highlights of their lives.
ill probably end up boring whoever reads my page with boring things that have happened to me and things i think about on a regular basis.
so here it goes.


my mom made cookies, theyre real good.
we ate mexican food take out but they forgot something in the order.
i didnt feel like going back for it though.
im trying to find a csi episode i havent seen yet.

ok even im bored.

im waiting for allen to get off work so we can talk.
now that he doesnt go to school i never get to see or talk to him because he works and he doesnt have a cell phone.
i have two jobs and i go to school.
im really sad cause we have broken up a couple times, ive gone out with other guys on our break and he has hung out with other girls.
allen needs a better job, a better car, his GED, more money, an apartment, and entry into the army.
im only saying that because its true;
his hours are getting cut at work and the pay is horrible and they refuse to put him as full time, his car reaks of nasty and its always breaking or somethings always wrong with it, if he doesnt get his GED he'll never get a better job than a grocery store bag boy, if he doesnt have money he cant take us out every once in a while, get a car or an apartment. allens parents treat him like shit and i absolutely hate it. he's always in debt with them because he lets them suck money out of him, if we had an apartment there is so much about our relationship that would be better. when he gets into the army alot of jobs will open up for him, and the benefits for him and us are great, plus free housing!

i really hate sitting around m house, but i also hate having to work all the time.
i wish allen could get off work before 11 so i can talk to him for hours.

we're spending all day together tomorrow and im so excited!
i cant wait to see what were gonna do, were always so cute together, i love it:]]]

oh shit i have to pay my verizon bill, maybe tomorrow.